Saturday, June 21, 2008

While We Wait

It is difficult to keep a good mindset when experiencing what could be the darkest hours of life. I read an article once that said women going through infertility have the same types of depression, anger, grief and the plethora of other emotions as someone with a terminal illness like cancer or AIDS. That is true, but with terminal illnesses there isn't a cure at the end of the journey. You may live longer than expected, but you always have that disease. But, with infertility, there can be an end if you want there to be. So, while I wait on my body to decide if it wants to bear a child or not, I've been researching other alternatives. Many of the infertility books and articles I have read list "living child free" as an alternative. That's just not an option for Russ and I. After recieving my very first Cabbage Patch Kid in 1985, I've always wanted to be a mother. And while that isn't happening in the time frame I had set out for myself in high school, I am still working towards that goal. It became imperative that I change my mindset since the last failed cycle. You would think that after over 30 failed cycles, I would get used to it, but these last few medicated cycles have hit me hard. I was making myself so crazy with the stress of trying to concieve and with being depressed when I hadn't. I made the decision to not let this beat me. I am not my infertility and whether or not I am ever pregnant doesn't really make a whole lot of difference. Do I want to experience pregnancy? Absolutely. But, do I want to experience motherhood more? Definitely! So, at this point, we are doing what we can to have the chance at pregnancy. But, while we wait, I've begun reading a book about adoption. 690 pages of decisions that we may be faced with in the future. A little daunting, but a definite possibility.

And for now, I'll be happy with these little guys...my family. Top row L to R: Laura Wanda, Camryn Paige, Miriam Kathleen, Colton Raul, and Caroline Anita. Bottom row L to R: Bianca Lisa, Keely Halona, Victor Felix, Alexa Stella, Claudia Piper, Laney Kimberly, Piddles, and Rodeo.

Stay happy Blogger Buddies!

3 comments:

Tracy said...

Fisher likes all of your cabbage patch kids. Too cute with naming all of them. Chelley doesn't have that many? Does she? I know this is hard, so I think it's terrific that you are tough enough to take those shots. I pased out when they took out blood wrok to get married.

Brett and Audra said...

I like what you said "I am not my infertility" stay strong!

Earl Gearl said...

I actually didn't name the CPK's if you can believe that. They all came with those names on their adoption certificates. I did name Piddles and Rodeo, though.