Monday, June 16, 2008

Change of plans

My doctor told me last cycle that if it didn't work we would go on to IUI's. When we started this infertility journey I wasn't sure I wanted to do IUI's or IVF. I was leaning more towards adoption. But, when I was told the option was an IUI or nothing, the decision suddenly became a lot easier to make. I opted for the IUI. I still won't do IVF. I have some moral concerns about IVF that makes me uncomfortable with it. I won't say that it's wrong, but I'm not going to do it. Well, my doctor decided to have us do one more clomid/natural cycle and then we will revisit the IUI topic. Ok, whatever you think. I've also put away the temperature chart. I'm not going to graph anything this cycle. I think it will really help with the stress of doing this.

Here are a few funny conversations I had today with WandBoy and Obi-Wan Kenobe (my doctor).

Dialogue between WandBoy and I:

Me: "I tried to talk my hubby into coming with me today."
WandBoy: "What was his lame excuse for not coming?"
Me: "He doesn't like you."
WandBoy: "What?" (look of shock and then laughs) "I have another fertility patient whose husband likes to hunt. I keep my blinds closed so I don't get sniped."

Dialogue between Obi-Wan Kenobe and I:

Obi-Wan: (walks in, sits down and starts to log into the computer) "So what are we doing today?"
Me: (Blank look) "I thought you were supposed to tell me that."
Obi-Wan: "Oh yeah, I guess that's why you pay me the big bucks."
Me: "By the way, how do you like the new car I'm buying for you?"
Obi-Wan: "I haven't picked one out yet. I was waiting to see how long it would take to get you pregnant."
Me: (thinking) yeah....he wants to wait until I have to do IVF so he can splurge for the Bentley.

Later during the consult:

Obi-Wan: "So I'm going to give you one more chance with clomid and home intercourse."
Me: "I feel like I'm being reprimanded. I only get one more chance."
Obi-Wan: "We'll blame it all on your husband. And then we will go to something else. By something else I mean intrauterine insemination."
Me: "Yeah, we talked about this. Like a cow."
Obi-Wan: (blank look for a few seconds and then laughter) "I wouldn't look at it like that. But, agriculture has paved the way for a lot of the things we do today."
Me: (nodding) "yea.....that's great......I guess....."

Until next time, stay sweet Blogger Buddies.


nancy said...

Since I did IVF, I wanted to tell you why it wasn't immoral for me ...

The "scientific" part of IVF doesn't get the embryo any further than your own body does before the move down to the fallopian tubes to the uterus. We would never know if we got that far and simply didn't have implantation. Embryo simply doesn't equal baby or all IVFs would work. So, I have the same chance at implantation than I would with my own cycles - and that is why I don't think it's immoral.

Earl Gearl said...

Thank you for your view. The problems I have with it (for myself) is that you create multiple follicles. So you go to ER and say you get 15. Great, that's all fine. 10 of them fertilize. That's great. 6 of them make it to blast stage. Wonderful! You transfer back two. Then you freeze four potential babies. What if they don't make it through thaw??? Are you essentially killing them??? That is one of my aprehensions to IVF. For me, there are just too many "what ifs."

nancy said...

And that goes with what I was already saying ... You could naturally be doing that every month by implantation not happening. At that stage, embryos could just be flushed out of your system.

Really, it's the stage of growth that was the 'answer' for me. IVF didn't grow them any farther than they would have when they made it to your uterus, which is a 60/40 chance at implantation anytime. So an embryo dying at that point was something that my body could do (and probably did) naturally without me ever knowing about it.

Fortunately, I didn't have to bother with the issue of having embryos leftover. I am okay with the fact of creating them and giving each of them a CHANCE at growing. IVF and natural conception were both the exact same in that aspect ... If the didn't survive the thaw / if they didn't survive the trip down the fallopian tube / if they didn't implant - all the same. But having leftovers WAS an issue for me. Because just keeping them frozen wasn't giving them that same chance. This is why I used ALL of my embryos during transfer and didn't discard any. True, we discarded the ones that were too low of grade, but that was okay for me because they still got their chance to grow, the same chance they would of had in my body. Those litle embryos didn't grow good enough to become babies in a petri dish NOR would of anything been different had they been inside. But the 4 embryos that not only survived thaw, but continued to grow and flourish? I needed each one of them to have a chance. Only one of my embryos survived, but I am completely at peace knowing each embryo had the same chances at becoming a child.

And - I just wanted to tell you my point of view. If you aren't okay with it, that's totally okay. IVF is SO personal. I'm not trying to make you change your mind - but I am trying to give you a new perspective that maybe you hadn't thought of.

Earl Gearl said...

Thank you. You did give me a different perspective to think about. And you are totally right that IVF is a completely personal of a decision. I hope I don't get that far!

Courtney said...

interesting conversation about the moral issues with ivf. I believe if they didn't make it through the thaw process than God had other plans for them...just like He does as nancy mentioned when a embryo doesn't implant. But I can also see your point of view, although I am personally comfortable with ivf.

Earl Gearl said...

Again, I just don't know. I'm not against IVF by any means. I have a lot to think about and I am going to do some more research on the matter. But, for now, since I'm uncomfortable with it, I'm not going to do it. Maybe I'll change my mind. Who knows what will happen if I have to stare that decision in the face. I changed my mind on IUI. I could just as easily change my mind on IVF. Thanks for all the great input!