Done with one thing, starting another

About the fertility diet...yeah, it's not working. Some things are different, but not that much. Other things are actually worse than they were. My lady parts are retarded. Russ and I have decided to stop spending the extra money every month on the supplements and put that money towards our savings. Hopefully we will have enough saved up by next summer to go to a fertility doctor here. Today is one of those days that I'm down in the dumps about my stupid body. I wish it wasn't this way. I'm going to keep taking the vitamins that I can get in town and stop the ones I have to buy online. That's going to help a lot because the supplements I was buying online were expensive. I am also going to keep trying to stick to the food parts of the diet, but I'm not going to stress myself out about it. We know what works and are hoping to be able to do that again. In my heart, I want to go to the fertility doctor right now, but I know that isn't logical. We could do it, but we shouldn't.

In light of this decision, I have started changing habits again. I'm not dieting here, people! I have to change my habits. If you've been reading for a while, you know my weight goes up and down and up and down and up and down. I'm so tired of this. I want to be healthy and stay healthy.

3 weeks ago I was on the verge of having to go up another size. To the size that I promised myself I would never be in again. That was my breaking point. I had to change. I know I can do it because I've done it before. The year before I got pregnant with Chloe Jo, I lost 70 pounds. I hit my goal weight the day of the IUI that resulted in our daughter. Through my pregnancy, I did awesome with the weight. By my scale, I gained 23 pounds. By the hospital scale, it was 27. Either way I stayed under my goal of 30 pounds. I lost all of the pregnancy weight the week after I gave birth. I know, I know. You hate me. Blah, blah, blah. I kept the weight off through the first 7 months of having Chloe Jo. Nursing really helped me with that. Then Chloe Jo weaned herself in November of 2009. She just decided one day that she didn't want to nurse anymore and refused from then on. That's when I started gaining again. Since then, I have gained 20 pounds. 20. *Sigh*

I hate that I let myself go that much. That's why I've been trying to get back on track. My goal is to lose those 20 pounds by this summer. So I have until June. I can do it. That's not even 2 pounds per week. So far I've lost 4 pounds. I've been keeping track of everything I eat and trying to stay under 1,500 calories per day. I've also started walking again.

Walking has always been my exercise of choice, but I decided I wanted to do something more this time. I like the Wii Fit okay, but I wanted something I could do outside. I finally found a 7 week training schedule for beginners for a 5K. I printed that off and am now on day 9. I don't know if I'll ever actually run a 5K. I just want the exercise.

So that's it. Quitting the fertility diet. Trying to lose some weight. Hey, if I can't be pregnant, I'm not going to be fat either. The end.