Thursday, July 4, 2013


Sometimes I have really crazy dreams.

Last night was one of those crazy dream nights. I don't know if it was the fact that I went to sleep hearing firecrackers going off or that Russ and I had a fun conversation about what he would look like as a super hero.

This picture came out of that conversation:

Baha. I love that man, but he is a goober!


Last nights dream was cracked out! Luckily, I woke up this morning remembering most of it so you guys now get to read my dream and wonder about how sane I am.

A Very Psycho Killer
A Wal-Mart Manager

It was late one evening when I realized I needed to go get something from Wal-Mart. Usually I don't go out at night, but that night it was important. I headed to our local Wally World and parked as close to the doors and as close to a light as I could. I had my trusty taser with me so I was feeling pretty safe. I had been having some problems in the recent weeks with a man who would wait for me by my car, but I was undeterred. I went in the store, bought the items I needed, and headed to my car.

When I arrived at my car, the driver's side door was open. Every hair on my body stood up on end. I cautiously peered around to the driver's side and that crazy guy who had been creeping me was sitting in my seat, with his feet out of the car. By that time, it was too late for me to turn back. He had seen me and I had seen the small gun in his right hand.

"Hey pretty lady. Give me your purse and no one gets hurt."

I wasn't about to give him my purse without a fight. We struggled for a few seconds until I realized I was defeated. I handed over my purse, broke free of his grasp and ran back to the store for help.

I ran to the customer service desk to talk to a manager. I quickly told her what had happened and she told me to wait for her while she called the police. Her office was in a building that was next to Wal-Mart. She foolishly left the safe confines of Wal-Mart to go to her office.

I waited for what seemed like hours. My whole body was trembling. I was still very scared and very freaked out.

When I felt like I had waited long enough, I rose from my perch to find the manager. I peeked out of the doors to assess the safety of the parking lot. I didn't see anyone. The lights were all still working and if I ran, I could get to the manager's office within seconds. That's what I did, but I was not prepared for what was coming next.

I opened the door to the office. At first it seemed abandoned. Then I saw the hand on the floor. I walked around the desk to find the manager had been brutally stabbed several times. And then I heard the door creak.

The psycho killer was standing in front of the only way out of the office and he was holding a blood stained knife. I knew the only way I was going to survive was to fight. I lunged at the killer, going straight for his neck. He blocked my advance and swooped down on me with the knife, missing me by a hair. We struggled for several minutes. I finally was able to knock the killer on the ground. His knife skidded across the floor to rest in front of the door. I made a break for the unprotected door. I sped out of the office as fast as I could, stooping to pick up the knife as I made my way out.

I ran back into Wal-Mart where I found my husband, Russ, waiting for me. He had been watching TV when Anderson Cooper broke in with the breaking story of the Wal-Mart Killer. The manager must have had just enough time to put in a call to the police. I have never been so glad to see Russ as I was then. He was fine and in his hands was a blow torch. He was there to protect me.

We clumsily made our way through the store, looking for a different way out that would be undetected by the killer. We decided to split up. We knew we would have a better chance of getting away and I had the knife and he had his blow torch.

I walked into a room on the side of the store and gasped. I wanted to scream, but the sound wouldn't come out. Anderson Cooper was lying on the floor in a pool of blood. Dylan McDermott was lying next to him, also in a pool of blood. I bent down to see if they were alive. I could barely feel their pulses, but I could hear their breath raking in and out. I couldn't tell how many times they had been stabbed, but I knew it was bad. I grabbed a cell phone and dialed 911. As the call was going through, the phone was viciously swiped out of my hand. It clattered across the floor. I turned around to see the killer with another knife. His had was gripped around the handle and it was in the air ready to give the death blow.

It only took me a second to respond. I buried my knife up to the handle in the killer's stomach. The killer gasped in pain and turned around. Russ had heard the commotion and came running. He had his blow torch poised and ready.

"No, Russ! I stabbed him. He can't do anything to us now!"

Russ lowered his blow torch and I turned around to check on Anderson and Dylan. That was a stupid mistake. The killer took one last lunge towards me and I felt his knife cut through my back. I fell to my knees in agony. I turned around in shock, just in time to see Russ blow torch the crazy killer's face. I couldn't breathe for the pain and I slumped the rest of the way to the floor.

The last thing I remember about that horrid night was hearing the sirens and seeing the emergency lights through the front windows of the store.

I woke up a day later in a hospital room. Russ was by my side and I was told had been since the incident. Anderson and Dylan were both recovering well, also.

I would have died that night if it hadn't have been for my husband. He came when I needed him, blow torch in hand.

The end.

It's okay to laugh now.

Craziest. Dream. Ever.

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