Yearning

It's obvious that Chloe Jo isn't a baby anymore.
She's a little girl. A beautiful little girl.
As much as I love this stage, I also want to hold another baby in my arms.
Another baby that is mine.
One that I can take care of and raise in the nuture and admonition of the Lord.
The desire has always been there.
Now it has become a yearning.
I yearn for another child.
I never wanted just one. I want Chloe Jo to have a sibling to play with.
I don't want her to be alone.
I don't want to have an only child.
In a way, I want to protect my heart and not try again.
On the other hand, how will we know if we don't try?
Maybe it will work out for us this time.
Maybe not.
I don't want to go back to the dark place I was in before we had Chloe Jo.
I can't go back to that place.
I have to be stronger this time.
I have to give it completely to God and totally rely on Him to know what is best for our family.
He will get us through.
He will guide us on this journey.
He is a great God and He is able!