Not what you expect to see when you come home....

Yes, that's a butler....with a tray....

Finally

Spring.

The Body Beautiful

I think the human body is amazing. Recently, I have been reading everything I can about how the body works and what it can do. The possibilities are endless. Do you want to climb Mt. Everest? You can! Do you want to swim across the Suez Canal? You can! Do you want to have septuplets? If you are a woman, you can (this one isn't really recommended)! The body is wonderful. The things it can do and does do are astounding. After the image of God. How beautiful.

Banned for three weeks

In an attempt to strengthen our marriage, to work on building better habits, and to find better hobbies, Russ and I have banned television from our home for at least three weeks. I recently read an article on MSNBC.com about a study being conducted. They are researching twenty couples that have stopped watching tv for three weeks. These couples found that they turned to each other, physical exercise, and reading as subsitutes for the tv. They also found that most of the couples didn't go back to watching tv regularly as they did before. I found this study interesting because I watch way too much tv. I come home in the evening and instead of doing housework or something productive, I turn on Law and Order or Top Chef. I have always loved tv, but why? Why do I sit on the couch and watch endless amounts of murder, cheating, train wreck lives, and everything else? Why do I care what happens to Rachel and Ross? Why do I feel a pull towards the Real Housewives of Orange County? I have wasted way too many hours of my life watching things on tv when I could have been doing something productive. I plan to change my habits and make myself a better person in the process.

Single Again

I hate breaking up. I went to get my hair cut this evening and I must have put on my invisibility cloak without realizing it because no one even acknowledged my presence. I hate you stupid haircut chain! As Taylor Swift would say, "You're just another picture to burn." So, we are over and I must start the search for "the one" again. I've used 6 different salons here and none of them have been worthy of a long term commitment. So, here's the breakup story. I went in about 6:20 this evening. There was a line at the counter so I just stood there. Well, no one said anything to me so I went ahead and sat down. There was one other lady waiting at that time. 10 minutes roll by and no one has said anything to me still. There were 7 ladies in there cutting hair and by that time, 3 of them were finished. So, the other lady that was waiting was called back, but the other 2 hair dressers went into the back. So, I wait. And wait. And wait. Someone else came in and one of the girls asked if she had been helped. She was just there to pick up her daughter. So I wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, a woman and her son came in. One of the hair dressers that was in the back came out and asked if they had been helped. The son needed a hair cut. "Sure, come right on over here and sit down." WHAT?!?! I WAS HERE FIRST! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 30 MINUTES! At that point, I walked out. In a huff. I hope they saw. Goodbye, my lover. Goodbye, my friend. You have been the one, you have been the one for me.

And Another One Bites the Dust

I've been on a habit kick since May of last year. My Mom and I call diets "habits" because we are building good eating habits, not dieting. I've been striving to be healthier and stay away from foods and drinks that are potentially harmful. For example, I've given up soda's of any kind, cut way back on fried foods and sweets, and cut back on portions. I also enjoy daily walks during my lunch period. So, I was wearing a pair of black slacks that were just too big yesterday. They were practically falling off my hips. Those were my last decent pair of black slacks. So, naturally, I went shopping last night. Those slacks happened to be 2 sizes too big. I knew I needed a smaller size, but I was really excited to need 2 smaller sizes. That means that I have lost another dress size. YEA!!!!! So far, I've lost 4 dress sizes and my goal is to lose 3 more. Once I had a real heart to heart with myself and told myself, "self, food isn't worth it," everything fell into place. I'm healthier, happier, and I have a much better attitude.

Creepy little things

Here is a list of things I think are creepy:

1. Amy Winehouse's beehive (what does she store in there???)

2. The instruments that are on display in an exam room at the doctors (they leave us in there to imagine all the horrible things they do with them...)

3. Medical personnel who will take your blood, but won't give their own. (Vampiric tendencies?)

4. Charles Shaffer

5. Men who hug a little too long or hold your hand when they're shaking it a little too long.

6. Dark parking lots

7. Touchy-feely people ( If I wanted your germs, I would ask for them)

8. Celebrities who don't take showers (Matthew McConaughey and Orlando Bloom, you would think they could afford soap and water or maybe a personal hygiene guru)

9. The fact that songs like "Rehab" top our billboard (More of a sad commentary on our society)

10. Doctors with lazy eyes (I went to him....once)

11. Wind chimes (Twister anyone?)

12. Nursing homes (You can just feel death on the horizon)

13. Gas station, skating rink, and bowling alley bathrooms (Do you really need to go that bad? You might get hepatitis)

14. Empty church buildings (I don't know why, I just think they are creepy)

WILL.....IT.....EVER.....STOP!?!?!?!

I am beginning to really hate winter. I didn't like it much before, but I loathe the thought of more snow. This morning I woke up to find that good ol' Mr. Snowbunny decided to drop a few flakes on us last night...about a foot worth! Why? Why? Why? Why? Just leave us alone! As Chelle said, "Let's dethrone the stupid shadow seeing groundhog!" Who's with us!?!?!?! Can I get a "Hear hear"!? I really hate that stupid groundhog anyway. Unless the sun is directly above him or there is no light at all, he is going to see his stupid shadow! Who was the brainiac behind that idea? I need to move to the tropics.

Then again....maybe not

Second looks are always different from first impressions. This weekend was a little disappointing. I think we have marked the place we tried out off our list for now. It seemed that the people there thought we were just filling in, not trying out. I had 2 people say, "thanks for helping us out" and 2 others say "thanks for filling in for us." I don't know if I diagnosed this correctly, but it looks like we have already been taken out of the running. There were some other things that bothered us, but that was the biggest. Russ even asked one of the men in an e-mail if we were still being considered and he just ignored the question all together. If they are like this now, how are they going to be when Russ preaches on something that members have problems with? If they are trying to pull the wool over our eyes now, how will they be in a year from now? Maybe I have this all wrong, but that place just doesn't seem to fit us anymore. I think we were infatuated with the location more than with the congregation. We now know that this should be a lesson to us. If we say "we do or don't want to live here or there," God will say "how much do you love Me?"

A Lifetime of Embarrassment....in One Blog

I never cease to embarrass myself. I am constantly doing things that are stupid or don't make sense. One time, when I was working at a place where I used to live, my coworker had a file cabinet in his cubicle. Not thinking, I was going to close his cubicle off (I don't really know why I was doing this and not working) so I took the drawers and opened all of them so he couldn't get out. Well, idiot that I was being, didn't stop and think that if I pulled all the drawers out (full of files), the cabinet wouldn't be heavey enough to support that. Anyway, there was a crash and a lot of laughing....and luckily my boss wasn't in the office at that particular time. That's just one example of the silly things I do without thinking. And for some reason, I dwell on these embarrassing stories and I don't want to hear them or think about them. I guess I am ashamed that I'm human?? Well, I've decided to put a stop to that right now. I am going to reveal the source of years of embarrassment. I'm tired of trying to stifle this information from coming out. I'm going to shout my nickname to all of humanity....on the internet! My nickname is TOOT!!!!! Yes, I have normal, human problems...gas. When you stop laughing, read on to find out the story behind this name so cleverly given to me by my dad. My first recolection of this name was when my family went to see my Aunt and Uncle who live in a different state. We went south of the border and, unfortunately, ate some authentic Mexican food. This was not condusive to a pleasent, non-smelly trip back to the states. Thus, the creation of the nickname Toot came about. It's ok to laugh. I'm laughing, too. My dad says that this wasn't the first time he called me that. Either way, it's the first time I remember being upset by it. So, there you have it. My nickname, on the internet, for all the world to see. I'm done with it. I did put a stop to dad calling me that a couple of weeks ago. I found out that toot/tute is a slang word for prostitute. So, now it's Tooty. As a side note, my toots are like grenades, but Russ's are like the atom bomb that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki.