Yes, I am a Junkie

I laugh about the situations I have found myself in due to infertility. Here are a few things that I find humorous:

1. I give myself shots.
2. I go to the gyno at least three times a month. And it's not because I have a lot of pap.
3. Russ and I have made up a super identity for the radiologist.
4. My best friend is a speculum.
5. I'm used to the see-through sheets they give me to keep my "modesty" in tact.
6. My arm is permanently bruised because of all the blood I've given them.
7. I am helping my doctor buy a brand new car.
8. I know the staff of the clinic by name and they know me by name.

Now, here are some funny stories behind some of these things.

I give myself shots. The first time my doctor told me that I would be giving myself shots, I was a bit horrified. So, we walked out into the main area of the clinic and he went to get me the pre-filled syringe (I'm so glad I don't have to measure the meds and fill the syringe myself...some women do). He handed it to me and sent me on my way. And me being horrified and being paralyzed from the neck up because of the horrifying thought of shooting myself up started to walk away. My doctor finally wakes up and says "Wait a minute. I guess we need to show you how to do that." Oh, oh yeah. I guess that would be good. So, he gave me a quick crash course in giving myself a shot...and when I say quick, I mean quick. Didn't take him two minutes. He showed me where to do it at and told me to pinch the skin and insert the needle the whole way and insert the meds. That's it. That is all he told me. YIKES! So the nurse who takes my blood, (this was at opening time so all the nurses were around watching this unfold) told me to get all the air out by pushing the meds up until a bubble forms at the top of the needle just like I see in the movies. I just looked at my doctor and the only thing I could think to say was "I don't get to practice on an orange?"

The radiologist's super identity. Russ and I were in bed a couple of nights ago talking about stuff and we started talking about my visits with the radiologist and Russ started calling him "Wand Boy." I thought it sounded like a super hero so we made up a complete super identity for him. He gets to wear blue spandex with a WB on the front and a cape. It was pointed out to me that hero's don't wear capes anymore according to the Incredibles. Well, WandBoy's cape isn't going to be sucked into the vortex of my vagina, so he gets to wear a cape. He also poses like the Statue of Liberty with the magic love wand in the air. I'm not going to be able to look him in the face ever again....or any of you after telling you this story....

The see-through sheets. I have to laugh at the sheets they give me to cover up with. They are about threadbare and totally see-through. At least the radiologist always dims the lights so he won't see anything, but when the NP did my annual there was no dimming of the lights. I was completely naked under a see-through sheet and a "top" that consisted of a scrap of fabric with a hole in the middle for my head. I guess it's better than not being covered, but it's cold in those rooms!

I feel like the people at the clinic are my friends. I see them more than some of my friends anyway. By the end of the first month of treatment, the staff started recognizing me. I had some high blood pressure for a few weeks at the beginning and a nurse one time took me to an exam room and said, "Oh, you're the one with the high blood pressure." Great, now they are remembering things from my chart. One time when my doctor was away, the NP did my appointment. This was the first time I had seen her since my annual and she came in and said "I remembered you when I looked at your chart." Wow, thanks...I guess. Was it the crying when I told you about my infertility or was it the see-through sheet and scrap of fabric with a hole for my head? The radiologist likes to continue conversations we had started weeks previously. I'm going to say it's my charming personality...the alternative reason isn't something I want to think about.

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