Frustrations and Orcs

I'm completely frustrated with my doctor. I really love the guy, but enough already. Good chemistry is only half the battle. Let's get some answers. Let's treat my problems and let's get on with it. Why is it that my progesterone has been under 10 for three cycles and nothing is being done about it? The last few times I went in (besides my IUI with the NP), he acted like he was swamped and didn't really have time to talk to me properly. I pay $71.00 for each visit with him! He should make the time to have a proper consult! And why has my progesterone been low for three cylces? He should have switched something up when it was low the first time. I'm so frustrated I could scream! Russ and I are staying in this city so I can continue seeing this guy and now I'm second guessing all of that. Plus, I am adamant about not blindly following your doctor and being informed and what am I doing? The exact thing I tell others not to do! I'm blindly following his orders because I'm a pushover and I won't stick up for myself. NOT ANYMORE! This is the last cycle we aren't going to do anything about my progesterone. If he doesn't prescribe me SOMETHING or answer my questions to my satisfaction, treatment with him is not going to happen anymore. I'm frustrated. I'm depressed. I'm confused about why this isn't working. I mean, COME ON! I'm thinking about drawing a map on my uterine walls for the little swimmers. Or maybe drawing a map on my ovaries for my eggies. Something isn't working right and I need answers. Oh, and why am I even checking my stupid progesterone levels if they aren't going to do anything with the data? I have to pay $91.00 for the blood work and $9.00 for idiots to puncture my vein to get the blood. $100.00 so that we can just see the number and not do anything with it? I don't think so. Not anymore. Unfortunately, if he doesn't make me happy the next time I go in, then I guess we're on an indefinite break. There isn't a reproductive endocrinologist in town and the closest one is three hours away so that is simply not going to happen. He has made a very hormonal, very infertile woman very angry.

On a completely different note, I had an interesting dream last night. My sis recently posted about a dream she had been having and asked for interpretations. I don't need interpretations. I know my dream just means that I am completely insane and not fit to be out in public. At the beginning of my dream I was in a wheelchair. Not because I had to be, just because I was. So I was wheeling along a red carpeted path that wasn't wide enough for the chair. At the edges of the paths were drop offs into water (I assume it was very bad water because I was scared the whole time). I kept losing my balance and my wheels kept sliding off, but I would always save myself just in time. I got to the end of the path and there was a large area with a door. I was there and these two Asian children came up to me. I had something that was extremely important and I didn't want whoever I was running from to get it. I gave it to an Asian boy about two years old. I wanted him and his sister to hide it for me. Then I was in a white house. I was with some other people (Russ wasn't in this dream, my sub-conscious apparently decided not to include him). We were hiding, waiting for the Orcs to come. We were going to fight them. I was behind a sofa and the others were behind other furniture and in closets. So, the Orcs came, but since we were in an American neighborhood, they had disguised themselves as Humans. They filed into the living room and we ambushed them. I had a round, hand blade and I cut one of them and ran out of the house. I ran through the backyard of the house next door and opened their gate. I saw an Orc chasing me. It was dressed as a curly, blonde headed woman. The gate I just went through was to a chainlink fence and it was a double gate with a rebar holding the left side in place. I grabbed the rebar and stabbed the Orc through with it. There wasn't any blood. My sub-conscious also decided to be PG for this dream. I ran back to the house and there wasn't anyone in there. I got into the closet, but the doors were too short to cover the whole opening. I covered up with some clothes to hide. Then I remember that we won the battle and we defeated the Orcs. So, insane? Yes. Too much Lord of the Rings? I don't think I've seen any of them completely through so probably not.