That's Just Who She Was

I have been thinking a lot about my Aunt Diana and her family. There are a few things about Aunt Diana that stick out in my mind the most. She was always giving. She was always thinking about others. The song we sang as children in bible class describes her perfectly. "J-O-Y. J-O-Y. Tell me what it means. Jesus first. Yourself last and others in between." While we were at the hospital last Tuesday (we were sitting with family and waiting on the mortuary to arrive), her friend of 20-some odd years was talking with me. She was telling me how excited Aunt Diana was about Chloe Jo. Aunt Diana had been battling the leukemia since September of last year. She did have a brief three weeks of remission before the disease came back full force. During those three weeks, she had called me and told me that she was planning a baby shower for me. She had been in remission at this point for all of a week. That's just the kind of person she was. She always thought about others even though she was going through a dark time in her life.

Sissy's Song by Alan Jackson

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

Aunt Diana

Monday morning, my father called to tell me that my Aunt Diana (who has been battling leukemia for 9 months) wasn't doing well at all. My Mom had just went to see her and had arrived home on Sunday. It was Monday and they were getting things in order to go see her again. She lives about a 5 hour drive from where we live. I hung up the phone and realized how serious this had become. I talked to Russ and we decided that I should go, too. I called Mom back and she said that was fine. I packed a bag for myself and packed up a ton of stuff for Chloe Jo. Mom and Dad came to pick me up and we went to their house so they could pack their bags. We were on the road within a couple of hours.

Mom told me that the doctors and Aunt Diana's family had made the decision to take her off of comfort care and that it was just a matter of time. This process had the potential to take a couple of hours or a couple of weeks.

We arrived at the hospital at 8:00 p.m. that evening. Mom and Dad went to her room to see her while I sat with Chloe Jo in the waiting room with some other family. I was able to go see her after Dad came back and took Chloe Jo. I was able to say hello to her and I just sat with her and my Mother and Aunts for a while. She didn't know I was there, but I'm so glad that I was able to see her that evening.

Tuesday morning Mom recieved a call from Aunt Diana's daughter that she had passed away. Her struggle with leukemia had been long and difficult, but that disease can not cause her pain anymore. She has gone to be with the Lord and we are so thankful that she isn't in pain.

Russ was able to come Wednesday to be with us as well as my sister and brother Jeremy and their families. Visitation was on Thursday evening and the funeral was Friday morning. My other brother, Shane was able to make it to the funeral.

This has been an extremely tough week for us and especially Aunt Diana's husband and children. Please pray with us for her family and friends.

My First Mother's Day

Russ, Chloe Jo and I went out of town so Russ could preach today so we celebrated Mother's Day on Saturday. I got up at 8:30 a.m. to feed Chloe Jo and Russ brought me a card and present. Chloe Jo and he bought me a pair of diamond earrings. Love them! They are gorgeous and I will treasure them! Then I got to choose what I wanted for breakfast. I had Russ pick up some Waffle House (mmm...cheesy eggs and a waffle). Then we just hung out at home with Chloe Jo. I also got to choose what I wanted for lunch and I chose pizza. I know, I'm the most expensive wife ever! Russ did have to go to work at 2:30 p.m. and then I ended up at Urgent Care with Chloe Jo that afternoon.

This day is enormously special since it took us so long to get here. I know that I've waited 4 years to be able to celebrate today as a Mother. I also know that many of you that read have been hoping for that very thing for as long or longer than I have. I hate that anyone has to go through even a small part of what we did to become parents. I understand the hurt, the frustration, the endless mornings temping and using ovulation kits. I also understand the hope that lies within the hearts of families wanting to have babies. I sincerely hope that if you weren't able to celebrate Mother's Day this year, you will be able to next year.

Umbilical Woes

I hate CJ's umbilical cord stump. Yes, she is four weeks old and it is still there. Grrrr. It just refuses to fall off. So yesterday I noticed that it was looking a little pink around the stump. It also has had some drainage. Every time I touched it to swab it with alcohol she would cry. Sometimes it was a cry like she was hurt and sometimes it was a cry like she was just mad and wanted me to leave her alone. I thought that I would give it the weekend and see what happens. If it was worse on Monday I would call the doctor and see what she thought about it. Well, it was worse today. A lot worse. It's all red and puffy around the stump and the drainage is just gross. So what did Momma do? Why she looked up information about it on the Internet. Was this smart? Probably not. Of course it turns up all these horrifying scenarios about what could happen from the cord being just find to the bottom half of her body rotting away (okay, maybe they weren't quite that bad). I decided to call the pediactrics clinic and see if there was on on-call nurse that I could talk to. The phone number sent me to Pediatrics Urgent Care and I left my name and number for someone to call me back. When they did, I explained what was going on and she advised me to bring CJ in to have a doctor look at it. So here I am, a brand new mother, thinking the worst about my poor baby's umbilical cord stump. By the time I left to take her to urgent care, I had convinced myself that I had ruined her belly button and she was going to go through the rest of her life with a maimed navel because her stupid mother didn't do something right. Well it ended up not being that bad. The hard part of the stump (where the hospital cut the cord and sealed it) is rubbing her belly raw. The doctor said that she could give her some oral antibiotics for it, but she didn't think it was necessary at this time. She advised me to put neosporin on it and keep rubbing it with alcohol. She said the cord looked fine and that the drainage is normal. She did go ahead and cauterize part of it because it was so goopy. Hopefully it will fall off soon. The drainage has stained almost all of CJ's onesies and I hate it when she cries at me when I swab it with the alcohol. An odd thing about today is that the doctor who saw us is the one I was originally assigned to in the hospital. I declined her because her office is in a different town south of here and I wanted someone here. She was so great that I almost wish she was here in town, but I do like the doctor I ended up with. I do wonder if any of these doctors get annoyed when young, first time mothers, such as myself, come in to the office or to urgent care when it isn't really necessary. Though, I didn't know and it is better to be safe than sorry! Last, CJ is up to 8 pounds 4 ounces, the little porker!

Wearing My Baby

I love me some baby wearing!

And it looks like Chloe Jo loves it, too! P.S. Before you comment about how this is some new form of cruel and unusual punishment, please note that she isn't crying about being in the sling and the sling is completely mesh around her head for optimal breathing. It also comes equipped with a safety harness so she doesn't fall out.

Super Award

Sherry nominated me for this award. Thanks so much! I appreciate the shout out and I do love keeping up with your blog. There are so many blogs that I love and so many super people in the blogging world. I now nominate Chelley, Ashley, and Courtney.

She's My Little Sweet Thing

Chloe Jo is big enough to start wearing her 0-3 month clothes. Tear. I'm also going to move up to size 1 in diapers. She's getting so big already. I wish it didn't go by so fast. She has started responding a little bit to me and giving me these gummy grins. So cute! She has decided that she doesn't want to sleep much during the day. I can get two good naps out of her and that is about it right now. But, it makes for some good sleep during the night so I'm okay with that! She slept from 11:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. and then from 4:30 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. last night. Woo hoo! I'm still trying to implement some of the BabyWise plan. The whole thing just doesn't work for us. I do like the feed time, wake time, nap time cycle, though and have been using that part of it. She really is doing great and we are so blessed to have her. Now if we could just get her a sibling to play with....

Here are some pictures I took of her yesterday.

Wordless Wednesday

Is it a Boy or Girl?

I was asked this question tonight by two different people. Do you think they were both color blind?

The Grands

Grampy, CJ and G-Jo

I figured since I posted pics of Russ' parents with CJ, that I should do the same with mine.

Visitors

Chloe Jo had some visitors today. Her Nana, Papaw (Russ' parents) and cousin Alli came to see her. We had a good visit are are happy they were able to come!
CJ and her Nana
CJ and her Papaw

CJ and Alli

Hey Uncle Jeremy...

Your blue suede converse have nothing on my tiny pink ones! (Of course, mine aren't real converse....)

Love, Chloe Jo